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We've been close companions for over two decades, who has overcome many challenges, her resilience is commendable. However, she's repeatedly blindsided by others. Her husband left her, and it was an unexpected event. Several of her social circle vanished then, as they were only interested in him. It shocked her. She made more effort in our friendship, likely realised better what friendship was.

Ongoing Issues With Friends Drifting Away

Throughout this period, many of her friends have disappeared and she isn't knowing the cause. Her previous job turned on her, despite the fact that she was very skilled at her work, her exit happened without knowing why things shifted.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, we've both retired so we're spending frequent meetups, however, I feel my role in the relationship feels one-sided. I start discussion points only for her to redirect them to what interests her. In terms of politics, she expresses strong opinions. I attempt to suggest double-checking information or other angles.

She has been arranging a vacation abroad I've visited many times and lived in for some time. My intention was to share advice, however, my input unappreciated. She essentially only wanted validation of her choices. I recently come back from a month there she is eager to catch up, however, I hesitate.

Considering the Choices

I don't want to act as a friend who abandons suddenly without explanation, but I don't think she can understand the impact of her actions on my self-esteem. At this point, I am in avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Potential Solutions

You could walk away, yet this is rarely a smooth outcome we imagine. However, addressing it with the goal of a solution requires bravery and openness on both your parts.

Professional advice indicates trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one is to state the usual pattern when you talk. Aim for this to be as factual as possible and basically what a recording device would replay. Next is to tell how this makes you feel. This allows for no dispute here. Your feelings are your feelings, of course. Finally is to ask ways you together going to change the interaction in your relationship."

Remember that she also has a point of view, meaning you must to stay open to listen to her. A helpful technique is telling to the other person:

"It's your turn to speak while I will remain silent for a set time."

It's remarkably effective to encourage understanding.

Key Takeaways

This person might reject everything, as some people have a “survival narrative”: they have a story of their life they won't abandon as it feels essential relies on it and it represents they've known. This poses a challenge because there's no thoroughfare in such cases, only cul-de-sacs. However, she might at first react like this then consider on your words. And should you never reach a fix, it will give you satisfaction from having been honest with her.